Doubt…
Overcoming Internal Barriers
Doubt…
… Doubts can be crippling. After everything I've done in my life, I can't say I still don't doubt myself and my ability to accomplish things. I have a terrible habit of comparing myself with others. I guess part of it is how I grew up. My dad always compared me with other kids and not necessarily in a positive light! The other is societal pressures. As kids, we're fighting for stars & stamps on our papers, trophies from a competition, a word of encouragement from our teachers and parents, something that validates we're on the right track, something that elevates our value. As adults, we compete for jobs and seek recognition for our accomplishments through awards, honors, plaques, medals, certificates, raises, and a fair evaluation. We compete with colleagues for publications, research grants, and seats at the table. We seek degrees, certifications and make our credentialing alphabet soups grow… Ph.D. DNP, DNS, EdD, RN, PHN, NPD, APRN, MSN, MBA, BSN, ADN, OCN, FAANP, FAAN… (FYI.. there is a specific way to display credentials!!!) to show our expertise and contributions, always-on display… it can sometimes be tiring! Despite everything or anything I've managed to accomplish, self-doubt can still be crippling to one's psyche. So how do you do it? How do you get past internal barriers?
My first thoughts around doubt are acknowledging to yourself that you have doubt. I think it's easy to say I can't do it and walk away, and sometimes it is the right thing to do… When doubt prevents you from doing something that you CAN do, it's when doubt becomes destructive and not protective… Some of my go-to thoughts when I doubt myself. I've never done that before or Why would anyone want to read what I wrote, why would they be interested in what I have to say, will anyone even care. My favorite, there are more qualified people to do this. I will again, in true transparency, have had some of these very reasons reinforced by people that either did not have my best interest in mind, perhaps they lacked the passion I felt, or simply didn't see the world through my eyes. Putting yourself out there with the possibility of getting rejected is very vulnerable, and I will say a BRAVE thing to do. If you're out there expecting to be embraced at every turn, you'll be disappointed. But there is a considerable difference between doubt and you do nothing, don't try. People say no gain, but no loss! I would disagree with that thought process. I think there is loss when you don't try. The other is you doubt but still try. This is where you only stand to gain, regardless of acceptance / "winning" or rejection/ loss…
It's a mindset that, honestly, I have not mastered. I have experienced more rejection and loss than I care to share. But we must look at it from a different perspective. It's a gain/gain thought process. What will I gain through acceptance or "winning," and what will I gain through rejection/loss? It's all a matter of perspective. How we approach a "gain" is essential, and we need to do it as part of our preparation.
Let's take something we've all done; Apply to a job we have never held before!
Ideally, we would prepare for the role. We would have the right degree, right qualifications, prepared a resume, portfolio shiny and new, rehearsed the common questions ( you know… what are your strengths, what are your weaknesses, what would you do if you had a conflict…), show up professionally dressed, knock the interview out of the park….
Scenario 1: you did everything right, you get the job, and you start in 4 weeks! Congratulations!
Scenario 2: you did everything right, you don't get the job, and all of a sudden, your doubt becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy! But here is what you should have already planned in preparation: You don't get the job, and you immediately reach out by a phone call or email and ask why you didn't get the job. Not in an aggressive way, but asking to close any gaps you may have had as a candidate. Sometimes, it's not you (if you did everything you were supposed to). So, walk away from scenario two a better and stronger candidate. With the next opportunity, you will be that much more competitive.
Regardless of what you do, your goals and what you want to do will take time and energy, even if the person you're competing against is yourself! A better you is not a wrong goal to have for oneself!
Doubt is a normal part of life. Just don’t allow it to define your life. Put yourself out there. We’ll all benefit from it.
